The Marathon Rantathon

Today I’m mostly tweeting updates about the London Marathon and the progress of ad industry runners. The race has just begun and already it’s irritating me. This is odd as I think the Marathon is great and I think that people who train for it and have the sheer force of will to complete it are brilliant. But it does raise the ugly question “why are runners so bloody SMUG?” I’m not talking about your Paula Radcliffes and Usain Bolts here. I’m talking about people who run for “exercise” with no real goal in mind. I have loads of friends who are really fit (I don’t mean “fit” in a sexual way, although, of course, some of them are) – they play a variety of sports: football, volleyball, hockey, aerobics, cycling, tennis. I have loads of friends who dance to professional standard and put themselves through gruelling classes and train to a very high level of fitness. Then I have friends who run. These are the only ones who feel the need to bleat on and on and on about it. They’ll drop it into conversation or update their Facebook statuses to share with the world that “X has just been for a run”. Who CARES?

Running a Marathon? Brilliant. You are going to ache all over and feel like you’ve done a massive endurance test.
Race for Life? Fantastic. You’re doing it for a brilliant cause.

But just running? Seriously, NOBODY cares. Well, I don’t.

I think the runners think my aversion is because I’m jealous of their superior fitness. Trust me when I say, I’m really not. Admittedly I can’t run. My knees wont stand up to pounding pavements and my lungs wont stand up to miles of high impact aerobic exercise. But I’m really not that bothered about this. I can swim. I can cycle. I can dance (well I can’t dance actually but I can get through a dance class in my own rather special and unco-ordinated way) and I can spend an hour in the gym without collapsing.

So, my hatred of running is more to do with the fact that some people who run talk about their regular 5k in the same way that pre-recession city boys used to talk about their regular £5k bonuses. They have an evangelical glare that is meant to make you feel massively inferior and awestruck by their superior abilities.

So, good luck to everybody putting themselves through the London Marathon today. Next year I will not be joining you.

Blog done. I’m off to my 3 hour dance rehearsal.

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