Wagner for the win

I’ve changed my mind. As the X Factor PR circus rolls into town for another Saturday night freak show, Brazilian sex pest (allegedly) Wagner is the only reason to keep watching (unless you enjoy watching malnourished teenage girls crying). The show’s producers clearly don’t share my new-found admiration for this year’s comedy contestant as the whole sex pest tag suggests. He’s clearly doing a lot better in the voting than novelty acts normally do – with this week’s story that he attacked one of Wand Erection, a story that is clearly nonsense if you read between the lines, it’s also clear that they want him out. Stories from his ex-wife and suggestions that he’s got a bit of an attitude haven’t worked, so here’s the latest attempt.

Unfortunately this has been all offset by the revelation that R-Pattz is getting behind the rather vampiresque crooner.

Bet that wasn’t in the script.

What is in the script is that we must love chavtastic Bratz doll Cher. Last week she did something that would shock us all. She sang. We’re in about week 36 of the live shows in this SINGING competition, yet everybody is now treating this girl as the second coming because she sang a song. Simon Cowell said it was the best performance of the season (series, Simon. We are not in America you douchebag) – actually it was pretty crap. The only reason we were all momentarily impressed is that if you are comparing Cher last week to Cher in every other week, it was amazing. If you compare it to any other singer in the world, it was shit.

Katie Waissel continues to be the hate figure. How she has survived thus far is beyond me. Well it isn’t really. The judges keep saving her. Admittedly last week Belle Amie were probably the worst of the two acts in the bottom 2. Katie should really have gone in week one. I don’t really get the judges’ fascination with Katie. I can almost understand Cher as she did show a bit of potential at her first audition – not quite sure what it was potential for but there was something there. Katie, on the other hand, is a weak voiced drama queen with all the sincerity of a politician with an expenses claim. Allegedly Cowell has bought her out of a US record contract. I can’t help but wonder whether he thought he was buying Lady Gaga. I hope he’s still got the receipt. Being honest, even I am beginning to feel some sympathy for the girl. Every day there’s a new story about her diva strops and meltdowns. But actually in her video diary on the X Factor site, she seems a lot more sincere and normal than she ever does in her staged VTs. Perhaps the press is in on the whole thing and the hate campaign is a masterstroke of PR reverse psychology to make us all hate her and then start to feel a bit of sympathy that ultimately leads to us hitting redial on the phone to win her that contract. But let’s be realistic. I said I feel a little bit sorry for her, that doesn’t mean my ears want to be assaulted by her croaky droning for any longer than absolutely necessary.

My theoretical vote (I don’t vote) goes to Wagner. Mad as a box of frogs, the vocal talents of a box of frogs and about as much chance of winning as a box of frogs. But don’t knock it – look what working with a box of frogs did for Paul McCartney’s career …


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