New Year … new me

Is it?

I’m not so sure. I started January with the best of good intentions:
– lose weight
– get fit
– do well at work (i.e. stop being a massive career failure)
– save money
– think before you speak (or in my case, think before you blog)
– don’t make any new enemies

Wow. How did I become somebody whose resolution includes not making more enemies? That makes me sound like a wicked queen who has suddenly realised that the magic mirror is not the way forward. Maybe I am …

So, how am I doing?

I’m not losing weight. I don’t think I’m particularly gaining any but I’m definitely not GETTING THIN. I am one of those weird people who has to start any sort of new regime on a landmark date – first day of the week, the month, the year. When it comes to GETTING THIN, I think it had to be the year as I was too fat to live (my words, not anybody else’s). I’ve been to the gym, I’ve had a couple of salads, but generally no, I haven’t dedicated any time to not being a fat, binge-eating heiffer and now I’m telling myself that maybe 1st February is a good start date. Maybe it is.

Sober February? Healthy February? Let’s see …

Do well at work? I can’t. I’m in the wrong job. Aaaaaaargh! There, I said it. I really like my boss. I have brilliantly talented colleagues. But I’m not good at being a small fish in a big pond. Quoting The Apprentice here, maybe I’m not a small fish, maybe I’m not even a fish. But actually if that’s true I don’t care as I bloody hate fish.

I wish I could be good at my job as I know that if I could do good things I could really make an impact. My company really appreciates good work and good people – why can’t I be one of them? Again, aaaaaaaargh!!!

Save money? Unlikely. I need it to buy chocolate and crisps. Oh, and wine.

Think? Well yes, I have deleted a couple of my more obvious rants. I am a (plus size) model of indiscretion. Refreshing? Outspoken? Honest? Rude? I don’t know. Maybe all of the above. Sometimes I don’t care. Most times I know my gob (and my ability to type so fast I write stuff down before I realise I’ve thought it) moves too quickly for my brain. But I’m not viscious or malicious – just lovely and delicious.

No more enemies? That makes me sound like I have loads. I really don’t. I think I have about 4. The two poisonous little trolls who decided to wreck my musical theatre aspirations (old news), the raven of death who made me redundant last year and … (insert enemy of choice) – I’m sure there is one but I can’t think of a name. Anyway, I don’t want any more nastiness aimed in my direction. I’m a cynical, judgemental cow but when people delete me from facebook or start a silly hate campaign to make me feel excluded (hello old work) then it’s very silly but still upsetting. I’m a cold old cow but I’m still a person. So maybe it’s not “make no more enemies” but “be a friend”.

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