There are LOADS of songs I hate.
1. Anything by La Roux for example. The girl’s voice is like fingernails down a blackboard. The electro-beat backing is like torture. And everything they have released sounds the same. Not helped by the fact that for a while, Six Music seemed to play something by La Roux every five minutes.
2. Also, most RnB – particularly songs with grunting in. “Uh. Yeah. Uh.” Again, the generic backing to most of this genre’s offering makes me want to kill (and no, I would not be doing it for the thrill).
3. Autotuned boy band shit like The Wanted.
4. Anything by Rhianna, anna, anna, eh eh eh. Probably falls into categories 2 and 3 above. I know she’s not in a boyband but if you hear her “sing” live she makes a good case for autotune.
5. On My Own. Not a bad song in itself and one that comes from the musical that has actually generated my epitomb – No song unsung, no wine untasted. But I’ve heard it murdered by so many amateur singers that it has lost its appeal and gone over to the dark side. On My Yone. Shudder.
But the winner of this particular 30 day accolade goes to Black Velvet by Alannah Myles. A pretty inoffensive hit in the late 80s. Weird. The song in itself is pretty bland. It doesn’t really go anywhere and doesn’t contain any of the horrors listed above. But my reason for hating it is more to do with association. When the song was released it was a hit. It was also much loved by the first big infatuation of my life. That relationship went to shit (thus setting the course for every relationship I’ve had since) and ‘Black Velvet’ seemed to be the soundtrack to our disaster. When I say “went to shit” this did happen in a fairly spectacular fashion. The discovery of a secret finacee was pretty much a deal breaker. The day I found that one out (24th July) would probably not be so significant today had I not had similarly horrific experiences on or around that date over the years … from being made redundant the day after exchanging contracts on my first house purchase to being dumped a further 3 times in that week. And every time, that bloody song would turn up on the radio, in a bar, even on karaoke.
So Alannah Miles, I’m very sorry, but Black Velvet is my least favourite song.
Don’t watch the video if you’re superstitious. I had to in order to get the link but I didn’t look at the screen and had the sound turned off so hopefully I’ll avoid the jinx this time.