2013 – the year of abstinence

What are your hopes for 2013?

What is your New Year’s resolution?

What are you giving up for lent?

Well … would I look shallow if I wished to be young, rich, beautiful and thin in 2013? Should I be wishing for world peace and a cure for cancer? Both are equally unattainable so how about a bit of both?

My New Year’s resolution is to be young, rich, beautiful and thin.

I gave up giving things up for lent when I realised that as a lapsed catholic, if I’m not molesting choir boys and preaching homophobic venom, I don’t have to give up chocolate for 40 days and 40 nights to compensate.

But let’s go back to young, beautiful, rich and thin. Can I do anything about that? Clearly inventing time travel isn’t an option but I could probably knock off a few years with a slightly healthier attitude to life. And that healthier attitude could also save me money, make me thinner and more attractive … and I could even throw in a bit of “giving things up” as well.

And this is where the “Year of Abstinence” begins. I do like a challenge. And this year I have decided to give up one thing every month, for a month. It was suggested that I do two months for each thing but frankly that sounded too complicated. So, here’s my year and what I’ll be doing without. I’m hoping I’ll be able to see what really has an impact on my health and well being. Over the years I’ve been told most things are bad for me, only to be told they’re absolutely fine a few weeks later. So I’m going to test a few theories for myself and see what I can cut out for my greater good.

With no further ado … I’ll be a-doing without:

January – ALL alcohol. No brainer. Sober January has been on the agenda for a few years now, but this time I’m not going to live my usual reclusive lifestyle and actually go out and have a life. You can also sponsor me for this one at Just Giving. I’m taking part in the Dryathlon for Cancer Research UK. Give money. It’s a fantastic and essential cause.

February – Crisps. This will be the hardest, hence me picking it for the shortest month (don’t worry, there’s more to come). I reckon if I gave up crisps I’d be thin overnight.

March – Spicy Food. Note – this does NOT include my birthday. I’m not that mad. I get a pass for that. But why spicy food? Bit of a strange one really isn’t it, amongst all the usual “bad” things? Well, I eat way too much food that has chillis in it … I’m pretty sure they’re not good for my skin or for digestion. So let’s see how I do without them …

April – Meat. Reckon this will be pretty easy. I won’t just be giving up meat, I’ll be exploring interesting veggie options. Fresh ones, not ready meals.

May – Sweets and chocolate. I thought about doing these separately but it’s too easy as I just don’t have a massively sweet tooth. I reckon this will be the easiest month. And it’ll also stop me picking at crap in the office just because it’s there.

June – Caffeine. I may give myself a get out clause that doesn’t include holidays in this abstinence as I might have a craving for a cup of tea at Glastonbury … this also means a massive cut down on sugar and dairy as well. I can do Glasto without Jagerbombs though, right?

July – Wine. Should be quite straight forward. It’s summer. I can drink cider. But still a challenge as I do love a large pinot or 12.

August – Social Media. Not something that affects me physically but I wonder if I can survive a month without constantly checking Facebook and Twitter. This blog doesn’t count by the way. Mentally, it’ll be liberating, if I can get few the first few days …

September – Bread. I eat way too much bread. Let’s see if I can cut it out before we get properly into the soup season.

October – Cheese. I love cheese. And of course this also rules out pizzas. Shit. I haven’t thought this through at all …

November – Crisps, sweets and chocolate, aka – snacks! Let’s step things up a bit and see if I can live without all the traditional bad things.

December – Abstinence. You seriously thought I’d deprive myself during the holiday season?

This will all probably go horribly wrong but at this moment (1st January with a hacking cough and hangover) it seems like a good idea. Let’s DO this.

I’ll be blogging my progress – nobody cares but me but it’ll keep me amused.

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