Crisp-free February was HARD. Not just hard, I actually sort of failed. As my ban was on “crisps and savoury snacks” I definitely failed. I ate three nuts in a public house environment. In other words, savoury snacks. The fact that it is only three is a testament to my stubborn refusal to back down on anything. I had one coated peanut last Saturday and two chilli nuts on Tuesday. Given my total obsession with crisps and ability to inhale family bags within five minutes, I’m still going to put this one down as a success.
Today is 1st March and I had crisps with my lunch. There are also LOADS of crisps in our kitchen left over from a meeting. If I don’t eat them, they’ll be binned. Can you imagine? All those gorgeous salty, savoury, greasy delights being chucked away. Of COURSE I’ve had a few of aforementioned salty pleasures (fnar). I’m only human. And I did resist all of the chocolate that’s also sitting in the kitchen. You see, in February I massively over-compensated for my crisp-free existance by hitting the sweets and chocolate like I’ve never done before.
So … in a change to the advertised programme, this month I’m giving up chocolate and sweets. OK, so the truth is I forgot I was meant to be doing spicy foods and bought some chilli pasta sauce and a huge block of chilli cheese, so it’d be wasteful not to eat it, right? Also, it’s winter. Also, the savoury snacks I did consume during February were chilli coated which proves I am completely addicted.
Is this my first failure? Well only if I don’t “do” a month off the spices at some point. And I reckon it’ll be a lot more “do-able” in summer.
Right … chocolate free Easter it is!
Thank God for that. No longer a smug teetotal loser. The sort who can sit in the pub sipping a J2O and commenting “I don’t need to drink to have a good time. I’m really mad, me. I’m crrrrrrrrrrrazy”. You know, the type of madcap, zany, crazy fool who goes home alone and cries into her cats that she has no friends.
This month has been particularly challenging as, not only did I have a number of nights out, I also had a SHOW WEEK. Anybody who has ever been in a show with me knows that ‘Show Week’ is my equivalent of Fresher’s Week. Often a glass of wine before each performance. Always a hip flask backstage with medicinal vodka in it. And essentially at least three or four huge white wines in the nearest boozer after the show. But not this time. This time I sipped on my J20 and went home sober. You’d think this would have made it easier to work during the week but actually it didn’t. Instead of passing out in a drunken stupor the second my head hit the pillow, I lay awake fretting about having to get through the next day at work before doing another show. At least when I’m drinking I get some sleep, even if I do wake up with a banging head.
Not only that. I also had AUDITIONS. Nobody does auditions sober. Do they? Maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong all these years. And if auditions don’t start with a drink, they definitely end with one. Those sorrows are not going to drown themselves. But no, mine were drowned in diet coke.
So, January is done. Do I feel healthier? Possibly. I think I’m sleeping a bit better. I think I’ve got a bit more energy. And of course I’ve had more time as I haven’t written off half of the weekend lying in bed waiting for the room to stop spinning.
The next month in my ‘year of abstinence’ is the shortest. And it’s no surprise that this month I’ve opted to give up “crisps”. I thought long and hard about this one. Technically a lot of savoury snacks do not count as “crisps” – Mini Cheddars, Twiglets, I could probably even state a case for Doritos … so I’ve decided to be hardcore and this month’s ban is “Crisps and other savoury snacks”. As I write, I am inhaling a packet of M&S Wobbly Worms in a feeble attempt to cover up the salty, potato-based product gap in my lunch menu.
This is going to be a LOT harder than booze.